Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell

Warning. This entry may, or may not contain the word Anti-disestablishmentarianism.

Ugh. I have barely slept all week.

I have this affliction, or addiction? Insomnia. The type of Insomnia that will appear suddenly and bear down upon you like an avalanche, leaving you wide eyed in the dark – staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell just happened, and why your brain is suddenly working overtime. You roll over, shut your eyes and attempt to quieten the thoughts in your headspace. But it’s not happening. No more sleep tonight, so you just lay there – refusing to give in. That is until a light appears from behind the curtains and gingerly feels its way into the darkness of your room. Alerting you to the fact that your alarm is about to go off, which just adds to the misery.

That smug, sadistic little shite has just sat by and watched you get whipped by the Insomnia-Monster, watched as you tossed and turned; trying in vain to evades its withering grip. It watched your face drop into sullen despair as you watched it, and the hours tick past. Yet the little sadist is not satisfied until it has sung its morning song, just to let you know, that today is going to be a bitch.

There have been times I begged it to deliver the coup-de-grace and explode in my face. But it just laughed and switched to hibernate mode.

Thus begins a pattern that will destroy any sleeping routine, as it replays over and over for the next six, seven; maybe more, days. At which point the Insomnia-Monster tires of me, ironically and disappears just as suddenly as it appeared, off to stalk the wee hours for another vulnerable mind to pounce upon and torment. Leaving me feeling used, dirty and bordering on a state of delirium.

It doesn’t call. Days pass - weeks, your sleeping pattern returns to normal. The weeks turn to months; you forget you even have a relationship with a sleep affliction.

Then one night, as your head hits the pillow – all thoughts vanquished to the subconscious. Well, most thoughts. (Any involving Jessica Alba are more than welcome to stick around). You close your eyes and prepare for an evening of rest, recuperation and sweet, sweet dreaming.

Nothing. You lay there, and you know. You pretend you don’t, you clench your eyelids shut tightly and pull the duvet up to your head. But it’s back, without warning, and resistance is futile. It slips in to bed with you – you can feel its breath of the back of your neck, making your hairs stand on end. You can feel its touch, and as much as you protest, you know it won’t stop.

All the while the alarm clock looks on with a look of glee in its eye, limbering up for the morning song.

And now for something completely different.

Anti-disestablishmentarianism is a political position, originating in 19th Century Britain when some (antidisestablishmentarians) opposed proposals to remove the Church of England as State Church of England.